Peanut in a nutshell

My little Peanut is almost 3 months old & I wonder where the time has gone. It seems like just yesterday I wept make that sobbed when I found out I was pregnant with her. And no...not tears of joy. That is really hard for me to admit, but it is the truth. I was scared, make that terrified. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. I didn't know who to trust. How can I do this? How can I raise this baby? I am sad to admit that it crossed my mind to tell no one & just end the pregnancy. How could that even cross my mind? I wrote a paper in college about being against abortion. How could I even let that thought, for even one second cross my mind!? People do and think crazy things when their back is against the wall. When they are scared. When they don't know who to turn to. I was in Hawaii and thankfully had my good friend Katie there with me to hold my hand. She held me as I cried. She offered advice, but never a solution. I love her for that. At the time...I didn't love her so much for that. I honestly just wanted someone to give me an answer. To tell me what to do. The flight home, I cried. I couldn't sleep, I was on the plane overnight and I sobbed. When I finally landed in Grand Rapids the next morning....my mom, Ally, Cayden, and Trace were at the end of the terminal waiting for me. It had been almost 2 weeks since I had seen them. It was Cayden's 9th birthday. I swallowed the lump in my throat and hugged my kids. They are my world and I knew in that moment what I was going to do. The first few months of pregnancy were not easy at all. My marriage was on the rocks, I had morning sickness around the clock, I was unable to give myself my injections for my psoriatic arthritis so my fingers and toes were in constant pain, and later I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes..... but I never looked back. I knew that through it all...I made the right decision. On July 22nd 2009 I was scheduled for an ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. My sister Shelly & my daughter Ally joined me for the ultrasound when we found out we were having a girl. The months that followed included A LOT of shopping! My mom, my sister, and I were all guilty of going a little "baby girl clothes crazy" :) I was warned by my doctor in the last trimester that I would probably not make it to the end of my pregnancy. I was having ultrasounds weekly because of my GD and there was a huge amount of extra amniotic fluid surrounding the baby. On November 12th, 2009 I went into the doctor and he wanted to schedule an appt. for the following week to check to see if Reese's lungs were developed enough and if so....they were going to induce me early because of all the problems I was having. That afternoon I came home from the doctor and kept having contraction after contraction. They didn't hurt, but they were coming consistently. I have never gone into labor on my own and I was not due for another 5 weeks so I didn't think much of it. That night I went to my cousin Stephanie's baby shower at my moms house and was still having contractions. I had my daughter and 2 step daughters with me so I drove them home to Kevin and drove myself to the hospital. Yup, I was in labor and ready or not....Reese was ready to enter the world. At 12:56 p.m. on Friday November 13th (yes Friday the 13th ha ha)...Reese Michelle entered the world at a healthy 6 lbs 7 ounces, 19.5 inches long, although my doctors office later told me that she was only 18 inches and that the hospital measured wrong. It brings tears to my eyes when I hold her, when I look at her, when I hear Trace tell her he loves her, or when I watch Ally fall asleep holding her, but these are happy tears. Not the same tears I cried last year. She is the reason I get out of bed at 3 a.m. with a smile on my face :) She is beautiful and amazing. As I type this right now, she is patiently sitting on my lap staring at the computer screen and bobbing her head around. I can't wait to see the amazing little girl and woman that Reese grows up to be. She is not the lucky one to have us....WE are the lucky ones to have her!